I Was Communicating, but I Wasn’t Connecting.

I’ll admit it—I’ve spent plenty of time believing that because I was talking, I was connecting.

I was giving presentations, sharing updates, writing emails. People heard me, right?

But the truth hit me: just because someone hears my words doesn’t mean they feel connected.

I learned this firsthand after being promoted to my first headquarters position. I wanted to collate data from different departments and shot out emails requesting the information. The responses--crickets! I mentioned this to my manager, who quickly diagnosed the problem, "Bryan," she began, "You're asking for your reasons, not theirs. You need to motivate them to give you the information." In essence, she was encouraging me to connect, not just communicate.

That’s when John Maxwell’s book Everyone Communicates, Few Connect really grabbed me. In the very first chapter, he makes a simple but uncomfortable point:

we all communicate, but very few of us connect.

Lesson 1: Influence Isn’t Automatic Maxwell points out that if we don’t connect, we don’t influence. That was humbling for me. I thought that because I had experience or a good idea, people would naturally follow.

What I’ve learned—sometimes the hard way—is that connection is the bridge to influence. Without it, my words fall flat. With it, people lean in, trust grows, and things actually move forward.

Lesson 2: Connection Is Learnable The encouraging part? Connection isn’t reserved for extroverts or smooth talkers. It’s something anyone can develop.

That gives me hope. I’ve seen myself grow in this area, not by becoming someone I’m not, but by listening more, asking better questions, and caring about what matters to others. Honestly, I’m still working on it every day.

Where I’m Challenged Right Now For me, the hardest part is slowing down enough to connect. It’s easier to “push through” with my agenda, but that’s not connection—that’s just information.

So, I’m practicing the pause. Pausing to ask one more question. Pausing to find common ground. Pausing to make sure the person across from me feels seen.

Closing Thought I don’t have this all figured out. But I know this: talking isn’t the same as connecting. And connecting is worth pursuing—because it changes conversations, relationships, and influence.

If you're a leader looking to connect better, let's chat about how to get you there.

Photo credit Claudio Schwarz